In the silence

In the silence between the heartbeats
I know it's not right.
When I allow myself to think and feel
for myself, I know it's
not what I want for me, for them.
I resisted for so long
and then decided to join the norm.
I loved it.  It became addicting.
Often going through my day, narrating or thinking
about what I can post to Facebook.
A slippery slope.
I pull back and then get called to it again.
It's the collective conscience I believe.
" Well so and so posts more pictures than I do"
"They're doing it, so it's fine for me too."
So I stop and think
"Do I want my children to be known by the whole world of facebook?"
"Do I want them to see me so distracted by a silly app on my phone, that
I can't truly participate in the now?"
"Is facebook serving me?"
"Does it make my soul shine?"
No.  No.  Sometimes.  No.
It's weird when you run into a "facebook" friend and they
know your childs name.  I can not undo what I have already shared though.
Facebook is too distracting when it's at my fingertips in every
breathing, waking moment.
I love connecting with others but honestly would rather
talk or see them in person.
My soul is none the better because of Facebook.
I think my soul has actually suffered a bit.
I am hopeful that my spirit can relax.
That I won't "need" to be constantly connected.
That I can once again be silent and be okay.