Story of Now

I won't get to where I want to be if I pretend to have it all together. I will not achieve my full potential if I don't admit my fears. Today, I had a great conversation with my mom about some of my fears and anxieties with being a nurse. These are things that I have dealt with for all 7 years that I have been a nurse. Things that I was afraid to admit to myself. Things that I was afraid to admit outloud for fear that I would look stupid. Through her active listening, I found that alot of my fears stem from a lack of confidence in myself. I think this is where much of my fear comes from. It is the thing that keeps me from flourishing. I felt a huge release when I finally got down to it and admitted outloud what was going on inside of me. Today is a new day. I will inch my way towards my dreams!

Last Tuesday I went to the library. I was browsing through some books and saw a spine that read Wabi-Sabi. I picked it up; it was a brown book with a faded tattered leaf in the background. The title was "Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers." Thinking of myself as all of those things at one point or another, I knew I needed to bring this book home with me. I read this intriguing book in three days. The term Wabi-Sabi is a Japanese word. "It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather and loving use leave behind." Robyn Griggs Lawrence While this is a new word for me, I feel that I have had an appreciation for the natural process of aging and weathering for quite some time. I find beauty in the imperfect, the wear and tear, the rust, the aging person and things that are often overlooked.

Drew and his family came last Saturday for some Senior pictures and for an updated family picture. Drew loves sports. He plays football, basketball and baseball and enjoys watching sports too! He got to watch the Yankees in New York...how cool!! The majority of his pictures were taken in jerseys. There is always that required picture for Mom though and he wore the dress shirt well! And the whole family in their home team apparel...love it! Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

I remember before I met my wonderful husband, I felt like I had to be somebody different for a guy to love me. I felt like I just wasn't that interesting, beautiful, smart or worthy. I tried to be things that just weren't me. I absolutely fell for every guy that I ever dated, and I always got dumped and was heart broken every time...except for the last time. See, I took some educational classes that focused on transformation. I learned how to be okay with me. I didn't need a guy to make me happy. I felt worthy just being me. So when that last guy dumped me, I shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I knew he wasn't "the one" anyway. Being okay with being dumped was a completely new experience for me. It created the space for me to meet my wonderful husband because I knew I was okay just being who I was. It was okay to be alone. With Matt, I did not have to pretend to be anyone else. Relationships should be simple. Yes, they do come with challenges...