Story of Now

I breathe you in.  I hold you in the space of my chest.   My eyes get teary.  My heart jumps.  I smile.    This is how I want to remember the early years.  The smell of you and the way you need me.  The feeling of holding your tiny babyness so close. The way we just melt together. The privilege of watching you grow with baby steps and giant leaps.  The overwhelming gratefulness I feel that God chose me to be your mother.

This morning I took a walk up our hill, partly because the glistening sun was calling me and partly in hopes it would help baby girl make her arrival. I walked for awhile and then when I realized I couldn't bend in the way I needed to for a photo, I sat down in the field.  From there I was quiet. Everything was quiet. I looked around and noticed the beauty in just being still. I realized how beautiful tree fungus really was with all of it's pods and bubbles. Sunshine.  Blue sky and clouds.  Everything with it's purpose.  Questions without answers.  Letting go.  Accepting. I am grateful for moments to just be still.   Here is a song that I have recently fallen in love with. It feels so good to listen to. "Let's be still" by The Head and the Heart https://youtu.be/-rKpmzRdWrs      

I often ponder things that seem to have a theme.  One thing is when someone says " I am not artistic/creative" or "I wish I was artistic/creative ".  These statements project that one needs to be good to be artistic and I don't believe that to be true.  Today I was crabby for no good reason and I tried to snap out of it and it just kept returning and I realized I was missing something: creative time. I think the biggest difference between someone who identifies themselves as an artist and one who doesn't is the need to create.  Much like someone who has the need to be physically active (running, playing tennis, etc), an artist needs to create to feel balanced and whole.  An artist will create to fill the need but the final product matters less than the journey to there.  A person who does not think of themselves as artistic only has the final product in mind not the journey. Thoughts?

My 4 year old comes up with her own hairstyles,  one braid and one pigtail is something she chooses often.  So, one day we went to ecfe and she had one pigtail and one braid and two different shoes.  I don't try to talk her out of these things.   I make sure she is wearing appropriate clothing but beyond that,  it's pretty much open.  When we got to ecfe, some other mothers were asking if it was opposite day and giggling .  My 4 year old,  kind of shyly hugged me and I just said "this is just her style."  And it is.   I want her to feel proud of who she is and not feel like she has to fit a mold.  I realize it's hard for us, me included, to accept different without reason.   There must be a reason her shoes don't match, not that it was a conscious choice.  This is filtered into so much of what we accept as a society.   As for now, my daughter payed no real attention to the questioning.  My hop...