Story of Now

Yesterday around 3pm I started having some severe pain in my upper abdomen and in my back. I went to the ER with my hubby and my mom. They did a bunch of lab work, an Ultrasound, gave me some Dilaudid for the pain and we were out in 5 hours. So, the good news is that baby is doing wonderful! Growing like a champ! I am 16 1/2 weeks pregnant and wasn't due to have an ultrasound until 20weeks. This was a huge blessing to see that all is well with baby. As for mama, they think I am just a little constipated. Who knew it would cause that much pain! I guess since there is a baby making cozy in my belly the other organs get a little scrunched. My biggest blessing: little june bugs first picture =) Baby, you are my miracle!

Matt and I have been together nearly nine years and married for two. We've always known that we wanted to have a family, actually a big family. In June 2011, we will be welcoming our first baby. Ah, a sweet little June Bug. After going through a miscarriage in March to the ups and downs of trying to get pregnant again to hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, we feel truly blessed!!

I am thankful for my husband and his generosity, patience and affection. I am thankful for my family who are always supportive and loving. I am thankful for my friends who are caring and empathetic. I am thankful for strangers who smile and open doors. I am thankful when my grandma sings. I am thankful for a warm place to sleep. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for the everyday miracles that happen. Happy Thanksgiving!!

This dance group is so amazing! Their talent is completely refreshing...LOVE it!

Meet baby Claira, just 2 weeks old. So precious! I think her big brother totally adores her even if he pretends not to sometimes!! Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

Find the joy in everyday!

Do you ever feel like you are on the verge of greatness? Do you ever feel like in the next moment you are going to have the BEST idea ever? I must say that I feel this way very often. It often comes to me when I am driving. I feel wonderful feelings and happiness. I feel like my ideas could really help someone or change something. I feel that my ideas could be the answer to what people are searching for. It really is a strange thing to think, because honestly I am just an average person. So, I never actually get to that point where I think "this IS it." But I feel like I am constantly or should I say quite frequently, "on the verge" of an idea that could potentially change the world. Wow! I'll let you know if I ever get to THE idea. And please let me know in the comments if you ever feel that way or if you think I'm crazy or if you just want to say something. Hope you have a fantastic day!

Keep your dreams alive!

These families came last Saturday, which happened to be a beautiful autumn day. Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

As that Byrds song goes, to everything there is a season. I believe that everything has a purpose. I believe that out of every bad situation, at least one good thing comes out of it. I believe that faith and hope do carry you through. I believe that talking about how it should be and how it really is when you are going through it are two different things. I believe that envisioning your dreams and believing in them will help them to come true. I believe that honesty with yourself and others helps to build bridges of understanding. I believe that we are all connected; every living and non-living thing. I believe the world is mostly beautiful. I believe in the power of love.

Lately, I've been feeling chaotic in my head. I've felt on edge and emotional. I've been short with people and just not feeling myself. I have felt disgusted, like I am being someone that isn't me. I've tried to figure it out but keep running circles. Then last night when I was at work, taking care of brave, young, courageous patients...I thought...."dang, I've been having a "poor me" kind of attitude. Immediately when I pinpointed it, I started to make sense of many things. I feel that something is awakening in me. I am going through a change. Change can often be uncomfortable. For now, I am living with the questions themselves. What's next? Who am I? Where am I going? What do I really want?

I won't get to where I want to be if I pretend to have it all together. I will not achieve my full potential if I don't admit my fears. Today, I had a great conversation with my mom about some of my fears and anxieties with being a nurse. These are things that I have dealt with for all 7 years that I have been a nurse. Things that I was afraid to admit to myself. Things that I was afraid to admit outloud for fear that I would look stupid. Through her active listening, I found that alot of my fears stem from a lack of confidence in myself. I think this is where much of my fear comes from. It is the thing that keeps me from flourishing. I felt a huge release when I finally got down to it and admitted outloud what was going on inside of me. Today is a new day. I will inch my way towards my dreams!

Last Tuesday I went to the library. I was browsing through some books and saw a spine that read Wabi-Sabi. I picked it up; it was a brown book with a faded tattered leaf in the background. The title was "Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers." Thinking of myself as all of those things at one point or another, I knew I needed to bring this book home with me. I read this intriguing book in three days. The term Wabi-Sabi is a Japanese word. "It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather and loving use leave behind." Robyn Griggs Lawrence While this is a new word for me, I feel that I have had an appreciation for the natural process of aging and weathering for quite some time. I find beauty in the imperfect, the wear and tear, the rust, the aging person and things that are often overlooked.

Drew and his family came last Saturday for some Senior pictures and for an updated family picture. Drew loves sports. He plays football, basketball and baseball and enjoys watching sports too! He got to watch the Yankees in New York...how cool!! The majority of his pictures were taken in jerseys. There is always that required picture for Mom though and he wore the dress shirt well! And the whole family in their home team apparel...love it! Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

I remember before I met my wonderful husband, I felt like I had to be somebody different for a guy to love me. I felt like I just wasn't that interesting, beautiful, smart or worthy. I tried to be things that just weren't me. I absolutely fell for every guy that I ever dated, and I always got dumped and was heart broken every time...except for the last time. See, I took some educational classes that focused on transformation. I learned how to be okay with me. I didn't need a guy to make me happy. I felt worthy just being me. So when that last guy dumped me, I shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I knew he wasn't "the one" anyway. Being okay with being dumped was a completely new experience for me. It created the space for me to meet my wonderful husband because I knew I was okay just being who I was. It was okay to be alone. With Matt, I did not have to pretend to be anyone else. Relationships should be simple. Yes, they do come with challenges...

I have been seeing so many butterflies this summer. I think I've had a bit of an obsession with them or maybe we've just been drawn to eachother this summer. Yesterday, I had one land on me and it stayed there for awhile even as I was walking. One of the ladies at the party said it was good luck. I'll take it. I finished up a painting this week and decoupaged a butterfly on it. I like it. For me, it represents hope and transformation, which has been a big theme for me these past several months. Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

Dear Butterfly- You remind me...that moments are fleeting, yet significant... that beauty is in the smallest details... that life itself is a dance...and that God is working in mysterious ways every day. I want to thank you dearest butterfly for the reminders you bring! Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

This is a follow up post to this post. So, I would like to say that I have been eating Oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast since March and have been eating Yogurt once in awhile but still have to eat it slowly in order not to gag. This feels like a pretty huge accomplishment for me and I like it because both are healthy. I will continue to try things that I have disliked in the past because now I know, taste buds or texture toleration can change!! Live. Eat. Laugh.

Most days I am a happy person. I tend to look on the sunny side of things and some people think that is how I am ALL the time. It is not true. Last Friday was one of those not-so-sunny days. I was questioning everything and not liking much. It was a funk and I couldn't just shake it off with good music. I sat at Caribou with a yummy caramel highrise, a notebook and a pen. I first wrote down the things that I want to do, then I wrote down what was missing from my life. This did not help. It made me feel worse. Then I thought "Oh, I'll write down all the good things I have going!" Immediately when I started writing, I could feel my face loosen up and a smile emerge from the inside. My body felt lighter. My mood was changed for the rest of the day. You know, my "good" list was much longer than my "what's missing" list. So yeah, that whole "attitude of gratitude" thing really does work!! Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

This is the third time I have taken pictures of these brothers. They usually start out pretty serious and towards the end of the session I get lots of goofy faces. It makes it really fun!! Dear boys, never let your young hearts grow old. Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

To keep my dreams alive, I must constantly remind myself what they are. I must keep them in front of me and tell myself that what I am doing, and what is happening has purpose. The little things I do, are important. Raising children. That is important to Matt and I. It is our dream to have a big family. I need to keep that dream in front of me, instead of dwelling on the miscarriage. We want to build a pole barn for our businesses. I must remind myself the opportunity that will provide us, instead of focusing on the fact that it isn't done yet. Sometimes, it is easy for me to get off course. I get stuck in survival mode and forget my purpose. I get caught in simply just doing my duties. But having just got back from a week of vacation in Ely, I feel refreshed. Priorities are realigned. Dreams are renewed.

These two got married last September in Vegas. They got a package deal that included a photographer and they decided they wanted some more pictures. On Sunday we met up at the Como Park Conservatory. We had to work quickly as the photography permit was only for 30 minutes. I don't "do" Weddings at this time but was delighted to work with this couple on their portraits. Live. Love. Laugh. Embrace.

I read this article yesterday and was very impressed. If someone can take a salad spinner and make it into a device that can identify anemia without expensive technology, what other possibilities are out there. Wow, way to go girls. Way to take a simple project and turn it into something that will change lives! Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves way to solution . David Joseph Schwartz

This curly haired boy loved exploring the trails at our place. He was excited to go on more and more trails! In between exploring, we got some great pictures. He is going to be 4 next week. Life is an adventure!

Like the gentle hand of God reassuring me that everything is just as it should be, a butterfly landed on my right knee three times yesterday.

If We Hold on Together By Diana Ross Don't lose your way With each passing day You've come so far Don't throw it away Live believing Dreams are for weaving Wonders are waiting to start Live your story Faith, hope & glory Hold to the truth in your heart If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever Where clouds roll by For you and I Souls in the wind Must learn how to bend Seek out a star Hold on to the end Valley, mountain There is a fountain Washes our tears all away Words are swaying Someone is praying Please let us come home to stay If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever Where clouds roll by For you and I When we are out there in the dark We'll dream about the sun In the dark we'll feel the light Warm our hearts, everyone If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever As high as souls can fly The clouds roll by For you and...